Sometimes when I sit down to write a blog, I start out with a judgement of what I see in the world. What don't I like, what's wrong with the world, how can I/we make it better? From there a free fall of opinions, observations, facts, fictions, exaggerations, projections land onto the page with a gigantic 'kerplunk'. My editing process is to then go back and argue with it all; 'is it appropriate', 'will they understand', 'will they judge back', what if they argue, criticize or worst of all unlike me? Either I edit the hell out of it and it is nothing like I started with, it becomes something utterly passive or aggressive because well, now I'm pissed at myself for doing or not doing the thing, I completely delete it or file it away into the graveyard of my many lost writing files to decay.
The same thing has happened when I make designs for my clothing collections. I'll sit down with my tools and let it flow, and magic happens everywhere. I love my designs, I can't wait to share them with friends, with family, with all you folks out in the world. And then bam!!! Thousands of other people start running around in my head judging, criticizing, giving advice, sharing perspective. It is not just me in there, you're in there too, so is she and that guy over there and let us not forget my 5th grade teacher or that guy I had a crush on in high school or the girl who threw me down the stairs or knocked me off the monkey bars, even my mailman chimes in with his thoughts. And if that isn't enough, I go looking for more "constructive criticism", I mean why oh why?! Then the edits, the deletes, the changes, revisions, the tears, the tantrums, the frustrations, and finally the stuckness of it all!
And truthfully, doesn't it seem we all seek it out. I mean, why else would we be so attached to our phones with their little judging panels; Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, etc., etc., etc. (nope not gonna list them all thank you very much)!!! We are all looking for approval, for permission, for acceptance .... for Suzie to give you a heart, or Megan to follow you, or fans to share your wares. How else do you get the word out there? How do you find your place in the world? How do you succeed?
I finally figured out the answer. I don't really give two donkey butts if you love it or not. I mean, sure, I do, but not enough for me to not love it exactly as it is, how I intended it to be ... kind of like me. Yeah, it all started when I said enough, I'm not changing for anyone else ever again ... unless it is fully in line with who I AM! Truthfully I am not becoming anything, I'm just remembering who the hell I was before all y''all got in my head. Not angry about it, not much, not any more, maybe ... but seriously, it's a daily process of unraveling all the all that is, who I came here to be. And as I unfold that, everything I offer unfolds and begins its new life in the world ... with you, or without you. For the truth is, the Wilder ones will find their way here without any effort on my part.
My success is not dependent upon anyone beyond myself; and every day I open my eyes, I have lived my purpose ... to just be me, whoever that is in any given moment. I guess the purpose of this post is to letchy'all know this is gonna be a Wilder ride, so buckle up and get ready for the show cuz Where we go, seriously who knows! Stay tuned to see what's next.
Always ... bWilder
